Ok, so we all know that I really wasn't thinking JERK when I wrote that.. I was thinking more on the lines of a total b*tch..
I have been a little on the blue side lately. Lots of changes, lots of drama and stress going on in the family, with the kid, with life in general. So of course for someone who is bipolar, that means a lot more of the really low-lows and less of the high-highs. I do have some times in my life where I'm just in the middle, but not too often. I will be honest, I did go off my bipolar meds about 6 months ago. I feel that I've been maintaining pretty well in that time. At least most days, I have been. BUT.. I have that nagging suspicion that it won't be long until I have to start taking them again.
So most people wonder why I don't just continue taking them all of the time. Which would make sense, right? Well, I have a history of stopping and starting on these meds. I have also read that I'm not the only bipolar person who does this. I have a few reasons, that all seem sane to me.. First one is that I had a hard time with my family making comments to me about me having to take meds to be a 'normal' person. One person in particular told me that they understand that some people just can't handle life without being doped up. Oh and that I just needed to deal with it and let things go... Thank you person, for giving me a complex about not being able to deal with life without meds.
Another reason I don't like to take meds, is that the meds that have been prescribed to me, make me gain weight and have caused my teeth to go bad. I have some major vitamin deficiencies that were never present before and I'm not only bipolar, but also ADD, so there's that. So I tell myself that I'd rather be normal weight and crazy that fat and sane.. Oh, and there were some meds that seemed to work for me, but alas, my insurance doesn't cover them and the co-pay for the pills are like 120 for one prescription for one month.. and I have like 6 prescriptions that I take, and most of the others ones are not tier 1, so my meds bill for one month was almost 500.. Sorry, single mom here, I can't afford that!
So with all that rambling... (see, told ya.. ADD)... I have been a little grouchy lately, a little anti-social, a little depressed, a little obsessed with certain things... I don't sleep much, then when I do, it's like I Crash HARD.. such as this weekend. But it also means that when I do interact with people (usually because I feel guilty if I ignore them), I can be a total DICK. I try to be nice, but I think most of the time, it just comes off condescending. To be honest to those people.. If you could really hear the stuff that's going on in my head as I talk to you, you would thank me for putting a filter on my comments. UGGH.. I know being bipolar, having a bad day, etc doesn't give me the right to be a b*tch... But try telling me that to my face..
So I'll say this now, in the most sincere way that I can.. Sorry for being a JERK.
Monday, January 11, 2016
Sunday, January 10, 2016
No, I didn't win any money on the lotto this weekend.. Back to work Monday! :'(
So I didn't really have much that I had to get done this weekend. But I can tell you that on Friday night, I didn't assume that I'd spend most of the weekend in bed watching TV, napping and cuddling with the fluff balls (my dogs). But that's just what I did, well except for a few things I HAD to get done this weekend.
I'd like to say that something fun/exciting, or just anything out of the ordinary happened this weekend, but that would be a lie. I did NOTHING! Well, maybe a few things, but it was a drop in the bucket of my normal weekend activities.
I did however buy lotto tickets, and didn't win! Not a penny! Not even 1 of my 10 tickets had a winning powerball number. WTH? But nobody won the jackpot, so I guess I'll buy some more for the next go-round. Funny thing is that I NEVER buy tickets. When I'm in the office and they do a big pull and every pitches in and we buy a ton of tickets, I always donate, but on my own, hardly ever do I play.
Funny thing did happen, I remembered that my mom told me that she used to play my grandpa's lotto numbers after he passed away (seriously came to me out of nowhere). So I called her up to ask if she had already bought tickets with his numbers. She of course wanted to know why I was asking... She hadn't bought his numbers in a long time (he passed away almost 12 years ago), and had misplaced his old tickets. I told her, I had no idea why it popped into my head, I never play, never bought tickets, but when I decided I was going to go pick some up, I immediately thought about his numbers.
Apparently she thought it must have been cosmic or angels telling me to play his numbers, because she rooted around her stuff until she found his old tickets, went down and purchased some tickets with his numbers and said she'd share with me if she won big. LOL.. Unfortunately, she didn't win, so I guess I will be working tomorrow. But she also sent me a copy of his old stub. As I was looking at it.. I noticed that his picks only went up to like 45 and we have up to 69 that we can choose from now. So I wonder if there's some mathematical equation or algorithm that could decipher if he had the additional numbers available to pick from, would he have chosen different numbers? Seriously, these are the things I think of.. No joke...
Ok, so now it's getting late and I must climb into bed and curl up with the mutts, so that I may drag myself from slumber an hour early, so that I can send my demon child a couple messages wishing her a good first day of second semester at college.
oh.. and maybe tomorrow I'll finish my match.com profile that I actually started sometime Friday night...
I'd like to say that something fun/exciting, or just anything out of the ordinary happened this weekend, but that would be a lie. I did NOTHING! Well, maybe a few things, but it was a drop in the bucket of my normal weekend activities.
I did however buy lotto tickets, and didn't win! Not a penny! Not even 1 of my 10 tickets had a winning powerball number. WTH? But nobody won the jackpot, so I guess I'll buy some more for the next go-round. Funny thing is that I NEVER buy tickets. When I'm in the office and they do a big pull and every pitches in and we buy a ton of tickets, I always donate, but on my own, hardly ever do I play.
Funny thing did happen, I remembered that my mom told me that she used to play my grandpa's lotto numbers after he passed away (seriously came to me out of nowhere). So I called her up to ask if she had already bought tickets with his numbers. She of course wanted to know why I was asking... She hadn't bought his numbers in a long time (he passed away almost 12 years ago), and had misplaced his old tickets. I told her, I had no idea why it popped into my head, I never play, never bought tickets, but when I decided I was going to go pick some up, I immediately thought about his numbers.
Apparently she thought it must have been cosmic or angels telling me to play his numbers, because she rooted around her stuff until she found his old tickets, went down and purchased some tickets with his numbers and said she'd share with me if she won big. LOL.. Unfortunately, she didn't win, so I guess I will be working tomorrow. But she also sent me a copy of his old stub. As I was looking at it.. I noticed that his picks only went up to like 45 and we have up to 69 that we can choose from now. So I wonder if there's some mathematical equation or algorithm that could decipher if he had the additional numbers available to pick from, would he have chosen different numbers? Seriously, these are the things I think of.. No joke...
Ok, so now it's getting late and I must climb into bed and curl up with the mutts, so that I may drag myself from slumber an hour early, so that I can send my demon child a couple messages wishing her a good first day of second semester at college.
oh.. and maybe tomorrow I'll finish my match.com profile that I actually started sometime Friday night...
Friday, January 8, 2016
Adulting Sucks!
The last few days, ok, maybe weeks... I've been getting less patient and more annoyed with just about everything. I hate Adulting!
So while I understand that this is my form of ranting and complaining... I can still complain about others complaining, right?
I have a friend who has been out of work for several months, they didn't try to look for work until unemployment dried up, and now can't find anything months after that. They are always complaining about not having $$ to do anything and needing a job, but not really doing anything to get one. When they do go to interviews, they never follow up. This person lives with their family, so is able to skip paying rent and the family helps by paying this persons necessary bills. THEN to top it all off, this person is always telling me about going to some cool show, movies, etc. Seriously, just start Adulting! We all have to do it sometime!
To the neighbors upstairs who still suck, seriously, your kids have to be under 12 years old, quit blaming all of the noise on them at 1am and 2am. If it is them, why the hell aren't they in bed after midnight on a school night? Idiots! You need to Adult better!
To my 18 year old kid.. You're going to learn what Adulting is all about. It's time that this gravy train leaves the station and you start being independent. I'm not saying I won't be here to help, or guide you, but I am saying that you need to learn some respect and realize just how good you've had it all these years. I know you can achieve greatness and I'm pretty sure we are not going to get along for a bit once I tell you that I'm cutting off the $$ flow, but I have faith that you will figure it out and forgive me. Adulting means less spoiling by momma.
Seriously, enough rain already! People have enough trouble driving on a nice sunshiny day. Throw in some rain, wet streets and impatience and these Adults become jerks, inexperienced drivers and lots of bad things happen. Not to mention I have a lot of friends in Cali who are freaking a bit worrying about landslides, etc from all of the rain. Because I have to Adult, bunkering down in my house for several days without leaving at all is not really an option... Oh, and I'll be a crazy, frustrated person until it lets up. Oh.. and the dogs don't like to pee/poop in the rain!
Adulting means responsibilities, but it doesn't mean constant frustration and unhappiness. At least it shouldn't! take a moment out of your day and do something just for you. If that means locking yourself in the restroom for an extra 5 minutes just to breathe (don't inhale too deeply) and catch your bearings, do it. Or drive through Starbucks for that little pick me up. Climb into bed and cuddle for just a couple minutes to catch your breath. Do something for you, so you can continue to be an awesome adult. :)
So while I understand that this is my form of ranting and complaining... I can still complain about others complaining, right?
I have a friend who has been out of work for several months, they didn't try to look for work until unemployment dried up, and now can't find anything months after that. They are always complaining about not having $$ to do anything and needing a job, but not really doing anything to get one. When they do go to interviews, they never follow up. This person lives with their family, so is able to skip paying rent and the family helps by paying this persons necessary bills. THEN to top it all off, this person is always telling me about going to some cool show, movies, etc. Seriously, just start Adulting! We all have to do it sometime!
To the neighbors upstairs who still suck, seriously, your kids have to be under 12 years old, quit blaming all of the noise on them at 1am and 2am. If it is them, why the hell aren't they in bed after midnight on a school night? Idiots! You need to Adult better!
To my 18 year old kid.. You're going to learn what Adulting is all about. It's time that this gravy train leaves the station and you start being independent. I'm not saying I won't be here to help, or guide you, but I am saying that you need to learn some respect and realize just how good you've had it all these years. I know you can achieve greatness and I'm pretty sure we are not going to get along for a bit once I tell you that I'm cutting off the $$ flow, but I have faith that you will figure it out and forgive me. Adulting means less spoiling by momma.
Seriously, enough rain already! People have enough trouble driving on a nice sunshiny day. Throw in some rain, wet streets and impatience and these Adults become jerks, inexperienced drivers and lots of bad things happen. Not to mention I have a lot of friends in Cali who are freaking a bit worrying about landslides, etc from all of the rain. Because I have to Adult, bunkering down in my house for several days without leaving at all is not really an option... Oh, and I'll be a crazy, frustrated person until it lets up. Oh.. and the dogs don't like to pee/poop in the rain!
Adulting means responsibilities, but it doesn't mean constant frustration and unhappiness. At least it shouldn't! take a moment out of your day and do something just for you. If that means locking yourself in the restroom for an extra 5 minutes just to breathe (don't inhale too deeply) and catch your bearings, do it. Or drive through Starbucks for that little pick me up. Climb into bed and cuddle for just a couple minutes to catch your breath. Do something for you, so you can continue to be an awesome adult. :)
Thursday, January 7, 2016
A New Year, A New Me... Yeah Right
So when the clock rolled to 12:01 am on January 1st 2016, I started making a list of all of the things I was going to change and things I was going to start doing...
1. Lose Weight/Get Healthy (Don't most people have this on their list?)
2. Get my business going. I love to do crafts, it will be fun!
3. Start doing stuff for myself. The kid is off at college, 18 and I need to start doing things for me!
4. Become more active.. I have friends, but I need to start going out more and doing more things.
5. Get organized. I'm a mess, I'll admit it. I know where most stuff is, but it's chaos.
6. Figure out where I want to go.. Do I want to continue living where I do, or should I move?
7. Start dating... (Hello Match.com...)
I went to bed with all of these amazing things in my head that I was going to start doing in 2016.. 2016 was going to be my *itch!
I woke up thinking about all of the things I needed to get done before my kid headed back to school, everything she needed. The dating thing.. It would probably be a waste of time even signing up for Match, until I could lose some weight. Nobody wants to date the fat middle aged chick. I'm doomed to be a crazy dog lady (I don't have cats).
I did start looking online for all of the different craft ideas of things I want to start making.. then i got a little overwhelmed. There is SO much out there to make! Seriously, it's pretty crazy!
I need to do stuff for myself, as soon as I finish doing the things that I promised everyone else I would do or help with. (Did I mention that I have a REALLY tough time telling anyone NO?)
The business, I started doing stuff at the end of 2015, but I never had enough time to get fully immersed, can I really carve out time to do it all? Can I learn to tell my friends that this is a solo enterprise and the things I'm doing, I'll ask for help when I want it.. I know they mean well by offering to help, but it is something I want for me, and I have a vision, that I can't often translate into words or explain how to do? Plus training someone takes LOADS of time. Is it easier to just shut it all down? IDK
After having my kid around for a very draining month, spending "quality time" with my family, really I think for the next month, I'd love to just veg in front of the TV and catch up on Netflix shows, or read some books.
Moving? My lease isn't up until this summer, so there's really no reason to start planning now. Give it a couple of months, right?
Seriously, what made me think that anything would be different this New Year? Why would things change this year, when they didn't change much last year? I guess it's up to me. I need some determination, but right now, I just wish I had some cake and hot chocolate and a Netflix TV show that could hold my interest for more than a couple of episodes.
Anyhow, time to sign off and do something productive.. Maybe?
1. Lose Weight/Get Healthy (Don't most people have this on their list?)
2. Get my business going. I love to do crafts, it will be fun!
3. Start doing stuff for myself. The kid is off at college, 18 and I need to start doing things for me!
4. Become more active.. I have friends, but I need to start going out more and doing more things.
5. Get organized. I'm a mess, I'll admit it. I know where most stuff is, but it's chaos.
6. Figure out where I want to go.. Do I want to continue living where I do, or should I move?
7. Start dating... (Hello Match.com...)
I went to bed with all of these amazing things in my head that I was going to start doing in 2016.. 2016 was going to be my *itch!
I woke up thinking about all of the things I needed to get done before my kid headed back to school, everything she needed. The dating thing.. It would probably be a waste of time even signing up for Match, until I could lose some weight. Nobody wants to date the fat middle aged chick. I'm doomed to be a crazy dog lady (I don't have cats).
I did start looking online for all of the different craft ideas of things I want to start making.. then i got a little overwhelmed. There is SO much out there to make! Seriously, it's pretty crazy!
I need to do stuff for myself, as soon as I finish doing the things that I promised everyone else I would do or help with. (Did I mention that I have a REALLY tough time telling anyone NO?)
The business, I started doing stuff at the end of 2015, but I never had enough time to get fully immersed, can I really carve out time to do it all? Can I learn to tell my friends that this is a solo enterprise and the things I'm doing, I'll ask for help when I want it.. I know they mean well by offering to help, but it is something I want for me, and I have a vision, that I can't often translate into words or explain how to do? Plus training someone takes LOADS of time. Is it easier to just shut it all down? IDK
After having my kid around for a very draining month, spending "quality time" with my family, really I think for the next month, I'd love to just veg in front of the TV and catch up on Netflix shows, or read some books.
Moving? My lease isn't up until this summer, so there's really no reason to start planning now. Give it a couple of months, right?
Seriously, what made me think that anything would be different this New Year? Why would things change this year, when they didn't change much last year? I guess it's up to me. I need some determination, but right now, I just wish I had some cake and hot chocolate and a Netflix TV show that could hold my interest for more than a couple of episodes.
Anyhow, time to sign off and do something productive.. Maybe?
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